I woke up with a groan, the bottle slipping from my hand and hitting the floor with a thunk. Didn't quite make it to the bed, but the nice flat surface I had managed to drape across had served my purpose just well, and now I was waking up because something was pressing into my chest quite painfully.
Rolling over, I glared at the ceiling of the crypt. No self respecting vampire woke up at 10 bloody 30 in the morning. Stupid humans, keeping me up all hours of the day and then expecting my help during the night. Wankers.
I had swung by the Magic Box to get my nightly entertainment, talk and tease the bit...snark at the whelp, say hello to the witches, annoy the watcher...and if Buffy just happened to be there, it would've been the perfect opportunity for me to - nevermind, everything went to hell after some swooning vampire commited suicide by stepping into the shop. Then the little midget demon bint showed up, did a little song number and made with the dramatic exit leaving the happy meals to stare and then start talking amongst themselves. Right then. Non verbal communication : Sod off Spike, yer not wanted here.
But now, I was just laying there, stone pressing against my skin and a hangover just flirting with my conciousness. Sitting up I closed my eyes, running a hand through my hair and reaching down to retrieve my bottle.I thought I saw a little more in it, but as I bent over, something brushed against my thighs and I felt it.
I could feel my eyes widen, like one of those annoying japanese whatsacallits than Xan was fond of watching, and my hands flew my chest and squeezed. Now see, that should've given me a clue right then and there, but noooo. I've been wasted too many evenings to trust what I thought my hands were feeling.
Standing up, I glanced down my body and let out a tiny yelp. My hands flew to my fly, unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans shakily. As my pants slid down my legs, I stared with horror. There was a pause before I screamed, then clutched my throat. "Bloody.." Swallowing I went wide eyed again. Was that my voice?! Was *that* my voice? I sounded, like...
I don't know how many minutes later it was but, after panicking at my need to tighten my belt to keep my now baggy jeans up, swearing, and then staring at the tit distortion of my shirt...I was down in the sewers and running. Okay, where to go...where to go..."Fuck it, Sod it, Fuck it, Sod it..." I don't rightly know what I was saying but several hundred 'sod it's later I finally came to the decision that...Red and Glenda had fiddled around with the girly magicks and somehow, somehow they were responsible for this.
Blanket draped over my head, I found myself banging at the Slayer's door.